Sometimes I forget...

Sometimes I forget that Kelly writes everything (that is not sexual) in his blog. Do not ask why I choose to forget this, but I do. I love him and his blog (seems) to be part of him. I do not write everything, he does write everything. I get a little more detailed and open about my thoughts; he is more open about actual events. Anyways...

We have bought new sheets and a new comforter for our bed. Ah ha...the ex-wife NEVER touched any of these. I am not jealous of her. I saw the pictures of her and there is nothing to jealous of. They had a bad marriage and his last two girlfriends are far more pretty than she could ever be. (That would be the best-friends that he has dated & dating.) I am just sick and tired of every where I look there is something that was hers or theirs. The dishes, sheets, comforter (including "to: Kelly & Jenifer Hawkins 9-21-1996"), the wood handled knives (all other knives I brought with me), pots & pans, etc...it all was theirs from when they were together. Even the bed we sleep on was their bed. What was he thinking when he "hooked up" with her? Did he not know that he could do better than her? (And he did, the next girlfriend was Julie...please refer to the picture of her previously posted.) And what the hell was he thinking to have sex with her that the chance of pregnancy was there? I don't how many of you had seen him before, but until the past couple (or so) of years, he was cut with red hair. His ex-wife was on heavier side and never smiled for any pictures. She was not very photogenic. I have no problem with full figured women. I have found many attractive. Jenna just does not fit my idea of attractive. She (apparently) does fit some people's idea of attractive. You know, she has remarried. Kelly always says that she married his mechanic and he really misses him. Has anyone else wanted to point out to him that he does not own any cars to need fixing. My car is the closest to him owning one. And my car is a recent development in his life. So why does he miss his mechanic? Okay Natalie, get over the ex-wife. She is gone, it is just all of the stuff that is here. Natalie, you are the one with Kelly now. You feel it in your heart that you two are meant to be. You can feel it from his heart, like this morning (when you laid your head against his chest.)

Okay faint of heart may not want to read this paragraph. Since everyone that reads Kelly's blog and mine know that Julie was his last girlfriend and is my best-friend, you will understand this next question. So what is the worst thing you can ask your best-friend (that dated your soon-to-be-husband)? "What are some birth control options? I am allergic to latex and it looks like the pill is causing cysts to form on my ovaries." You have to give her credit, she actually answered with a good answer. She gave some really good advice. I must confess that if you could hear the conversations that I have with Julie or Kelly, you would freak with how open we (all) are about everything. Sometimes it freaks me out, when I think about it.

I am so tired. I had a wonderful dream last night that woke me up (after about an hours sleep) and made want to wake up Kelly. Do not worry. I did not wake him up then. I waited until ten minutes before the alarm was to go off. It is a good thing I did this, too. The alarm never did go off. It could not read the CD, so it thought that there was not one. I did not get to sleep until after I took Kelly to work. I WAS going to stay up to take Elle to get her ID, but I was just so tired. Even now I am very tired. They came to fix the dishwasher. Yeah it works. It only took two guys to look at it and not have a clue. So I kindly (with a smile) pointed out that husband said that he thinks that it might be unplugged. Guess what. They know how to plug in a dishwasher. The dishes just finished. Oh crap. I still have to organize the kitchen, living room, our bedroom, bathroom, Elle's bedroom (this is mostly done, thank God), our closet, and the laundry/pantry area. Kelly gets the computer room, in here. We decided that we did not need a dining room, but we do need a computer room. The small dining table sits in the large living room by the windows. We have a small love seat and two plush chairs, no tables. So our living room furniture does not take up much room; therefore, the dining room set fits nicely in the large living room next to the windows. We still have a big gap by the front door, but Tiger will get that area. We go pick up Tiger today. This is the other reason I decided not to go get her ID today. I am already so tired and all of that driving is going to kill me. So I go to get her ID tomorrow and split up the driving.

I keep having these dreams about red headed twin boys and a young curly red head girl. I know in the dreams they are my children. One guess at who their dad is? I just want to know why I keep having them. I need to correct one thing. I sometimes have a dream with only one red head boy in it and not the twins. All of the dreams have both a boy and the girl, about three or four years apart in age. The only difference in the dreams is that some have one boy and some have twin boys. The possibility of Kelly and I having twins is pretty high. My father was a twin, and Kelly's mother was a twin. I know that in my family it is every other generation that has twins, especially the children of twins. Which means that it is my generations turn and I am a child of a twin. So far no one from my generation has given birth to twins. I was common law married before. During that time I became pregnant (twice) with twins, but I miscarried both pregnancies. It was not the right time. So it is very possible that we could have twins. This scares the life out of me. I had a very hard pregnancy with one and giving birth to one. Elisabeta locked her shoulders on the way out. I almost lost three times and went in to pre-term labor four or five times during the pregnancy. What would twins do? Due to the complications with my pregnancy (with Elisabeta [Elle]) I was on complete bed rest until the sixth month when I could work again with very strict limitations. This is a big part of the reason I am so scared to have more children. What if I have to go on complete bed rest? Who will care for Elisabeta & Kelly? Who will cook, clean, etc? I worry about this more for Elle. Kelly can take care of himself (he has proven that), but I don't want him to have to. I love cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, etc for him. Okay, so cleaning up this apartment is not going so fast. We have too much stuff for it. I need to lay down for a little bit. Everything is looking very blurry. I am having a hard time keeping my head up. I still have to drive to Needville.

ps. I LOVE KELLY MICHEAL HAWKINS!!!