I made a boo boo...

I was editing my info on a couple of sites and went ahead and put Kelly's last name down as mine. We are getting married soon and I just didn't want to have to go back an d change it later. My putting his last down as mine has apparently upset some. So I have been trying to go back and change it everywhere I had out it. I think I will just keep my last name anyways. I mean after we get married, I will keep mine. I mean really what is a last name. I have had my last name for thirty years, what is the rest of my life. Even when I was adopted my last name did not change. Okay so I was adopted by my father's parents (who of course had the same last name.) I don't understand why I am so very tired lately. My hair is red again. Yeah! I need to trim Elle's bangs. I love Kelly so very much. I am always driving him to and from work. The one time I don't drive him to work (since living together) he almost gets ran over. My daughter is only two but has so much personality.

how old are you...really?

A woman has all of the eggs at birth--no new ones are made. In fact, most of them die before puberty, and she ovulates with the ones that are left (usually one at a time of course). It's interesting, therefore, that if someone is 30 years old, then they are made of material that is 30 years + age of mother at time of conception. So if your mother was 26 when she conceived you, she conceived you with a 26-year old egg, making you 56 if you count the egg age.

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this is my other home away from home...

Friday 13, 2005

This is diffently Friday the 13th. I need sleep so bad. THe laundry soap we have, I am allergic to. I have been scratching all week since I started using this soap. I just told Kelly today. Do you know how hard it is to hide a skin rash that covers half of your body and mostly your legs. I am so very tired. I still have to get my daughter ready for this weekend. She is going to Kelly's parents house. They are great and very helpful. sleep............................................

This was a im conversation between Kelly & I about a year ago...

zhsy00001: You tha woman.
zhsy00001: How are y'all doing?
celtic_gypsy_nite: i very tired
celtic_gypsy_nite: making it
zhsy00001: I knew you would.
zhsy00001: I hope you are not lonely.
celtic_gypsy_nite: yup yup...but so is life...I mean I have Elle, so I am not alone are lonely in that sense...but not dating
zhsy00001: If I were there for just a moment I would kiss you, just out of princaple.
celtic_gypsy_nite: you are so silly
zhsy00001: I try.
celtic_gypsy_nite: tee hee
zhsy00001: :x
zhsy00001: Have you cut your hair?
celtic_gypsy_nite: no...it currently has very light purple highlights...but they will wash out
zhsy00001: All the better to run my fingers through
zhsy00001: Would you like a neck rub?
celtic_gypsy_nite: oh you tease
zhsy00001: hehe
zhsy00001: I wish I was there.
celtic_gypsy_nite: really
zhsy00001: Yes.
zhsy00001: It would make my day to hold you, even for a moment.
celtic_gypsy_nite: me?
zhsy00001: Does that surprise you?
celtic_gypsy_nite: yes
zhsy00001: You are desirable.
zhsy00001: You are desired.
celtic_gypsy_nite: me?????
zhsy00001: Yes :) You.
celtic_gypsy_nite: thank you for saying that...
zhsy00001: It's true.
zhsy00001: Even if I don't say it.
celtic_gypsy_nite: I work at border's books in the woodlands, now
zhsy00001: Cool.
zhsy00001: I still work at (company name).
zhsy00001: I have an idea. want to hear?
celtic_gypsy_nite: ok
zhsy00001: Lets meet in our dreams tonight.
celtic_gypsy_nite: :">
zhsy00001: Is that a yes?
celtic_gypsy_nite: yeah
zhsy00001: hehe. I can't wait.
zhsy00001: I would like to dance in our dream.
celtic_gypsy_nite: ok
zhsy00001: Do you have a wish?
zhsy00001: I cannot grant it (probably) but I would like to know.
celtic_gypsy_nite: not right now...but maybe later...too tired to wish...
zhsy00001: OK then, Good night sweetie. I will see you in our dream tonight.
zhsy00001: If only I could brush you hair from your face and tell you "shhhh, everything will be allright." Good night.

Praying Mantis

What type of insect are you? Praying Mantis You are very intelligent, inquisitive, patient, and well respected by your peers. However you tend to be a loner.

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Sometimes I forget...

Sometimes I forget that Kelly writes everything (that is not sexual) in his blog. Do not ask why I choose to forget this, but I do. I love him and his blog (seems) to be part of him. I do not write everything, he does write everything. I get a little more detailed and open about my thoughts; he is more open about actual events. Anyways...

We have bought new sheets and a new comforter for our bed. Ah ha...the ex-wife NEVER touched any of these. I am not jealous of her. I saw the pictures of her and there is nothing to jealous of. They had a bad marriage and his last two girlfriends are far more pretty than she could ever be. (That would be the best-friends that he has dated & dating.) I am just sick and tired of every where I look there is something that was hers or theirs. The dishes, sheets, comforter (including "to: Kelly & Jenifer Hawkins 9-21-1996"), the wood handled knives (all other knives I brought with me), pots & pans, etc...it all was theirs from when they were together. Even the bed we sleep on was their bed. What was he thinking when he "hooked up" with her? Did he not know that he could do better than her? (And he did, the next girlfriend was Julie...please refer to the picture of her previously posted.) And what the hell was he thinking to have sex with her that the chance of pregnancy was there? I don't how many of you had seen him before, but until the past couple (or so) of years, he was cut with red hair. His ex-wife was on heavier side and never smiled for any pictures. She was not very photogenic. I have no problem with full figured women. I have found many attractive. Jenna just does not fit my idea of attractive. She (apparently) does fit some people's idea of attractive. You know, she has remarried. Kelly always says that she married his mechanic and he really misses him. Has anyone else wanted to point out to him that he does not own any cars to need fixing. My car is the closest to him owning one. And my car is a recent development in his life. So why does he miss his mechanic? Okay Natalie, get over the ex-wife. She is gone, it is just all of the stuff that is here. Natalie, you are the one with Kelly now. You feel it in your heart that you two are meant to be. You can feel it from his heart, like this morning (when you laid your head against his chest.)

Okay faint of heart may not want to read this paragraph. Since everyone that reads Kelly's blog and mine know that Julie was his last girlfriend and is my best-friend, you will understand this next question. So what is the worst thing you can ask your best-friend (that dated your soon-to-be-husband)? "What are some birth control options? I am allergic to latex and it looks like the pill is causing cysts to form on my ovaries." You have to give her credit, she actually answered with a good answer. She gave some really good advice. I must confess that if you could hear the conversations that I have with Julie or Kelly, you would freak with how open we (all) are about everything. Sometimes it freaks me out, when I think about it.

I am so tired. I had a wonderful dream last night that woke me up (after about an hours sleep) and made want to wake up Kelly. Do not worry. I did not wake him up then. I waited until ten minutes before the alarm was to go off. It is a good thing I did this, too. The alarm never did go off. It could not read the CD, so it thought that there was not one. I did not get to sleep until after I took Kelly to work. I WAS going to stay up to take Elle to get her ID, but I was just so tired. Even now I am very tired. They came to fix the dishwasher. Yeah it works. It only took two guys to look at it and not have a clue. So I kindly (with a smile) pointed out that husband said that he thinks that it might be unplugged. Guess what. They know how to plug in a dishwasher. The dishes just finished. Oh crap. I still have to organize the kitchen, living room, our bedroom, bathroom, Elle's bedroom (this is mostly done, thank God), our closet, and the laundry/pantry area. Kelly gets the computer room, in here. We decided that we did not need a dining room, but we do need a computer room. The small dining table sits in the large living room by the windows. We have a small love seat and two plush chairs, no tables. So our living room furniture does not take up much room; therefore, the dining room set fits nicely in the large living room next to the windows. We still have a big gap by the front door, but Tiger will get that area. We go pick up Tiger today. This is the other reason I decided not to go get her ID today. I am already so tired and all of that driving is going to kill me. So I go to get her ID tomorrow and split up the driving.

I keep having these dreams about red headed twin boys and a young curly red head girl. I know in the dreams they are my children. One guess at who their dad is? I just want to know why I keep having them. I need to correct one thing. I sometimes have a dream with only one red head boy in it and not the twins. All of the dreams have both a boy and the girl, about three or four years apart in age. The only difference in the dreams is that some have one boy and some have twin boys. The possibility of Kelly and I having twins is pretty high. My father was a twin, and Kelly's mother was a twin. I know that in my family it is every other generation that has twins, especially the children of twins. Which means that it is my generations turn and I am a child of a twin. So far no one from my generation has given birth to twins. I was common law married before. During that time I became pregnant (twice) with twins, but I miscarried both pregnancies. It was not the right time. So it is very possible that we could have twins. This scares the life out of me. I had a very hard pregnancy with one and giving birth to one. Elisabeta locked her shoulders on the way out. I almost lost three times and went in to pre-term labor four or five times during the pregnancy. What would twins do? Due to the complications with my pregnancy (with Elisabeta [Elle]) I was on complete bed rest until the sixth month when I could work again with very strict limitations. This is a big part of the reason I am so scared to have more children. What if I have to go on complete bed rest? Who will care for Elisabeta & Kelly? Who will cook, clean, etc? I worry about this more for Elle. Kelly can take care of himself (he has proven that), but I don't want him to have to. I love cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, etc for him. Okay, so cleaning up this apartment is not going so fast. We have too much stuff for it. I need to lay down for a little bit. Everything is looking very blurry. I am having a hard time keeping my head up. I still have to drive to Needville.

ps. I LOVE KELLY MICHEAL HAWKINS!!!

The unthinkable

So I have done the unthinkable. I asked Kelly about his (past) relationship with Julie, my best-friend. I asked personal questions and received very personal answers. Now logic would have told me not to ask any such questions, but I am far more curious than logical at times. One of my nicknames is Kitty Cat. I received this nickname because of my curiosity and natural cat like abilities (& behaviors.)
Okay so men do not think before speaking. If I had any doubts before (with the earlier conversation) I don't now. I had to ask Kelly something, when he looks up and says, "I forgot to set an alarm." So I told him not to worry because I could not sleep anyway. Kelly then said, "So you are going to keep me up all night?" I left the room without asking the question. To hell with asking him anything. I don't want to hear any answers from him right now. I don't even remember what I was going to ask him.
Elisabeta is with her Pawpaw for the weekend, so we can move my stuff from Conroe down. That means that we have the entire apartment to ourselves, until Sunday. Mother's Day is this Sunday. Elle's Pawpaw is cooking a special lunch for me, for Mother's Day. I want to have two or three more children. I just don't know how soon I want to have them. I am a strong believer in fate and destiny. Things happen for a reason when they happen. I know that now that I am 30, I do not know how many more years I have to have babies. The longer I wait to have children, the harder it will be to (physically) care for them. There is part a big part of me that can not wait to have children with Kelly (and an even bigger part that can't wait to be his wife.) I don't want to rush him or myself, though. Plus, what about Elle? She is having a hard time getting use to the change of moving in with Kelly. She loves Kelly. She even calls him Daddy sometimes. (I try to correct her on that, but she fights me on it. In her defense, he is the only man to really take on the role as father. Her dad was around when he had time. He hardly ever had time. Now he is in the Army and never sees her.) How will Elle react to a baby brother or sister, so soon?
Kelly and I are engaged. We want to elope or go away for our wedding. I want to truly elope...run away and get married...then come back and tell everyone. Kelly wants to plan out our eloping in detail, down to the time and day, months in advance. That is not eloping. That is just planning a wedding far away from everyone and rubbing it in their faces that they can't be there. I need to go to bed to try to sleep before moving today.